TRAPS Series: Trap #5 – Skipping or Skimping on Self-Care

Answer these 4 True and False Statements:

1. I am not sleeping well.
2. I haven’t been out with my friends, just for fun, in the past three months.
3. There are health and wellness activities I used to do (walking, aerobics, yoga, meditation, etc.) that I no longer do for myself.
4. I don’t have anyone who really “gets me”, that I can share my parenting experiences with.

If you can answer, TRUE, to any of these statements the trap of skimping on your self-care may have you ensnared.  You are hardly alone if your role as Mom has negatively affected your self-care.  A Parents magazine survey in 2007 reported that only 10% of Mothers with young children had gone out socially for fun in the previous three months.  If you can’t maintain and cultivate your adult relationships it will sure be more difficult to have that one friend who really “gets you” that you can be real with and not worry about how you are viewed. 

Health and wellness activities can be thought of as those things we do that serve as “energy gainers” in our lives.  As a parent of young children there is little you can do about some of the inevitable “energy drainers” you will face each day.  That make maintaining some energy gainers even more vital to your health.  Make a list of the energy gainers you used to do for yourself before you had kids.  Pick one from the list and get creative about how you can introduce it back into your life.  Come on now, Moms of young kids are the most resourceful and creative beings on the planet so you can do this.  I see many Moms combine tasks and goals such as power-walking the stroller with a good friend so that exercise, social time, and emotional support can all happen.  At other times you know that you never stop doing!  The National Sleep Foundation says that even 15-20 minute naps can be beneficial to the body.  How many times did you pass up that 15 minute nap window because you felt you had to get something else done while the kids napped? 

When I do retreats with couples I often ask them to discover the best G.I.F.T.S. they can give each other.  Here are some of the favorites couples share.

G = Guiltless Girl Time for Moms and Guiltless Guy Time for Dads.  Now Dads, guiltless means you don’t call her 5 times during the two hours she is out with friends because you can’t handle the kids.  It also means no snide remarks when she gets home.

I = Intimacy.  Make a date night, find a way, I know it seems impossible.  NIKE this one, Just Do It.  Guys, take the lead in planning and initiating this.  Nothing big.  Even 90 minutes at Barnes and Nobles to start (Parent and Child sections are off limits).

F = Fun.  With or without the kids around find ways to laugh and just have fun.  You used to be goofy, kids love it when parents take a prat fall.  Once they start laughing it is contagious.  Drop your to do list and use those free hands to tickle a kid!

T = Touch and Talk.  Intentionally kiss your partner goodbye when you leave and hello when you return.  Intentionally hug each other for at least 10 full seconds (if this feels awkward do a minimum of three times a day).  Share one good thing that happened in each of your days.  Dads, listen to yoru partners entire story.  Moms, let his comments be brief without probing for more.

S = Some Solitude.  Are you a Velcro Mom with some kid always attached to you.  Peel them off (yes they will make that awful tearing noise that Velcro makes) but do it anyway.  Moms tell me even grocery shopping alone can feel like a slice of paradise with a Starbucks in one hand and… well nothing in the other.